where a bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives roses

Friday, February 25, 2011

Eyes of a Perfectionist

Cardigan: Forever 21
Top: Mom's Closet
Jeans: Pacsun
Necklace: Claire's
Ring: Urban Outfitters

To start off I'd like to point out that even though my first photo contains 'distortions,' (fun backround editing provided by photobucket effects) it doesn't mean I distort my body. I never distort myself. Whatever I look like in photos is how I naturally look. If I appear skinner, or heavier, I did not do it by editing by any means. I just distorted the first photo because I find @home/inside OOTDs boring. Whenever I do edit my photos it's usually just to resize it & make the color/contrast brighter. I like a nice pi-zazz to my photos! I really did like the lighting though! The sun's rays were shining through a large window behind me leaving a giant light on the floor which made the photo have a really iridescent feel/look. So this outfit doesn't completely match but that's what I really love about it! It was originally a pair of loonngg shorts that my mom had (vintage) & I just simply cut it into a tube top! Someting else real cool bout' it is the way I cut it made it have a really unique slit down the center and to "V"'s on the sides! (photo#3) Oh! Is it just me or does the lighting in photo#2 actually make my hair look like it's ombre'd? (some of the sun's rays probably hit my hair when I took the photo making it look lighter). So yeah, I love it. I want something like that. It looks pretty natural to me too. Hmm..:) So my english class is reading Beloved by Toni Morrison! I didn't think I'd like the book at first but it's actually pretty... alright? It's pretty complex (the mystery involved). Morrison really put twists in the story. Lots of analysis involved. I'm enjoying it though.

Oh deaarr, so I don't know if you guys really want to know about my big attendace issue.. If you do, feel free to continue reading this section:) Okay, so I'm on the tennis team. Our season has been over since the beginning of December. My friend decided not to go to off season this year but I still wanted to play varsity next year so decided to continue going to off season without her. The thing is that we do EVERY tennis related thing togethor. She's my doubles partner & the other tennisers literally only see us playing tennis togethor. If one's not there then neither is the other. It's like a package. The "left hand & the right hand" ;) My coach once saw me heading towards the bus for an away game without my partner & asked where my left hand was. Hah. (she was on the way) So since she hasn't gone to offseason I've been lazy, sad, & too lonesome without my left hand.. I ended up skipping tennis for 3 entire weeks. I figured it'd be okay since many other girls do it, and the coaches are incredibly chill... oh boy, this sure did backfire. Just yesturday I recieved a call of an absence. I check the portal online & see I have 5 truancies & 4 absences! I was hecka scared b/c I thought classes ditched during the day (w/o parents signing you out of school) can't be excused. I'm pretty sure that's what they'd tell me in previous years. So I'm spazzing out from stress. I thought I was finally done stressing out for the week too, but I was clearly wrong (I had two huge tests on the same day early in the week WHICH I surprising got an A on! <3 Only 1 other kid in my class got an A). So yeah, I check the portal nearly everyday & knew that all these absences weren't posted earlier. The school didn't even warn me so I was pissed. I told my parents & of course, a fight arose. Next day (friday/today) my mom comes to school to talk to my counselor (I thought she was just going to try to get my absences cleared). In the end, she dropped my tennis class. Without my knowledge. I was shocked. I felt like I lost a purpose in my life... the only one sport I've ever been good at--gone. I already knew after highschool I'd probably rarely play tennis & I thought that day wouldn't come until after Senior year. It all just happened so fast. I regret not going to practice.. I just felt so alone whenever I played & felt it was kinda pointless. Practice lasts from 2-3 but I wouldn't even get out to the courts till 2:15 (to change & use the restroom) & would have to leave at 2:50. The first 15-20 mins would also be used to ru around. All I really wanted was to play tennis with my left handed partner.. Now I'll probably rarely ever get to play tennis again. I realized dropping tennis is saying goodbye to the kind tennisers, coaches, the feeling of a victory, the bond, and the sport. I'm also still stressed because I don't know if colleges/Uc's will look @ the dropped sport badly.. I hope not. Well yeah, attendances are cleared except for one but I honestly dgaf. I just regret it. I regret so much right now. I've made lazy choices this year and I regret so much of it. I guess you could say I'm pretty bummed at this point.. I'm still figuring things out. I'll tell you guys when I smile and laugh for real again...

Sorry for all the reading. I just have so much on my mind. It may not seem like a big deal, what's going on, but behind the wheel of a perfectionist--every small turn leads to a whole new destination.

Thanks for reading, much appreciated,